Superpowers

“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”

~ Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

A short while ago I was advised of having superpowers. Superpowers! Me! Unbelievable. Sadly, this knowledge was imparted to me by a friend who was already half-drunk, which somehow debased the message’s value a little bit.

Anyhow, flattered by this statement I addressed him with the following question:

“And what kind of superpowers would that be?”

He took another bite of my home-baked muffin and beaming he answered:

“Grandma-superpowers!”

Well… yeah… hem… okay… thanks, I guess. I’m 26. We are all here to celebrate my birthday… 26… not 62.

Suddenly, I feel very old.

“That… is… nice?!”, I try.

“You see… all the things you do the best: cooking, baking, knitting, garden work… that’s, you know, that’s what grandmas do.”

“I listen to metal music…”

“It’s always nice coming here, knowing: there will be good food. You know, like when you go visit your grandma.”

“I play video games…”

“I mean, man, the food! Home-made food! It’s the best! And there are all the little knitting-projects lying around. Just like at nana’s.”

“I… yeah… okay…”

“And that is why you must have some sort of grandma-superpowers! Like, on the inside, you are a really, really old lady.”

Best… anti-compliment… ever!

“I feel like an old lady; my hero is Miss Marple.”

~ Helen Oyeyemi