And then?

“What else does anxiety about the future bring you but sorrow upon sorrow?”

~ Thomas a Kempis

One year. That’s how much time I have left to study. It’s not a very long time. So, how did I spent my day today? I went online to check for jobs. First in the nearer area. Then in the province. Then in the whole country. Then, just for the sake, in Europe, extending to Canada, too, little bit of the USA, maybe Australia and New Zealand.

Wow, I mean… I think I never felt that unneeded. I start to understand why friends who have finished their studies already start developing some sort of fear of life. Sure, there were some jobs that seemed interesting and fit my profile (or then I fit their profile, or what ever). But they were not here. Not even close. And at this point, knowing that the husband soon starts his own studies and us “owning” (yeah, there’s a loan, but anyhow, it’s ours now) a house here and having almost all our friends and family here, I am not so sure how likely it is for us to move after a job for me right now, or even ever. Basically, we like it here.

Nonetheless, basically I would be ready to move and see some more of the world. Maybe for a year, or two. Maybe forever. Depending on the job and the place and the overall feeling. As a single, there would hardly be an obstacle, but these days I am happily married and a mother, and a dog owner, and a house owner, and leaving everything behind at the drop of a hat… it’s just not an option anymore. If we were to move, it should be a planned, a sure thing. Nothing on the fly.

The husband is not really helping either, switching opinions between “let’s sell the house right now!” and “finish your studies first, I’m sure you’ll find something, everything will work out just fine”.

This last year seems to be boon and bane: it gives some more time for planning and consideration. At the same time, I still have something to do (over 14 courses, if I’m not mistaking) and job offers will come and go, maybe even here, in our area. But I have always been that sort of person, who needed to know what comes next, after this, what you are doing now. But maybe, no one really ever knows for sure. Maybe, that is just how life goes, and understanding that is another thing to be learned while growing up.

And to make sure that this text at least includes some wisdom, here’s a quote from one of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, from one of my favorite books “American Gods”:

“I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”

Thanks for the advice, I’ll try the lying-back-thingy now, grab some brinner (all Scrubs-fans will know) and spend a nice evening with the husband, the little one and our furry monster.


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