Sometimes I open my old laptop. The one that looks so ridiculous, because I never cared too much about it. A laptop to me is first and foremost only a laptop. Nothing I would define myself by. So whenever I painted, it was possible that spatters of paint would cover the laptop. I didn’t care enough to wipe them off. And whenever I just listened to music, it could happen that I forgot I was wearing headphones and while moving around causing the whole laptop to fall on the floor. This happened twice. Now, the lid won’t close correctly anymore. Also, some pieces from the plastic shell are missing. The third time my laptop went flying was when my son in a tantrum wiped it from the kitchen counter. The final ordeal I put my laptop through was accidentally burning the back of its desktop with a candle, melting its plastic shell. But hey, it still runs. There is some dark spot on the screen and the operating system is so deprecated that surfing the internet is almost impossible, but its data storage is stuffed with treasures: pictures, music,… and old texts.
And this is what I usually look for: my old texts. Some of them so old, I read them as if they were written by somebody else. I have no memory writing them. Funny to get surprised by one’s own creations. Like: oh, I didn’t see that coming! Some of those texts I still like, others make me feel embarrassed. But I guess, that’s why I started enjoying this blog-thingy so much these days. Because now I can finally share some texts and get feedback. It is somehow sad to think that many writings will never meet the eyes of anybody else but their own creator’s. What a loss! When I read through my old stuff, I am amazed how much I wrote. If you had asked me back then: do you write? I would have probably said: no. But all the texts that have accumulated over time prove that there has always been some sort of desire in me to put my thoughts and ideas into writing, making them tangible and accessible for the world outside my head. I think it’s a nice way to communicate, direct or indirect.