“If I had a million dollars
… I’d be rich.”

~ Barenaked Ladies, If I had a million dollars

I don’t make millions. Actually, at the moment, I make nothing. I get a little social support from the state for studying… which is very nice! But then again, not very much.

The husband used to work for ten years. Now, he too is studying again. So we are not making a fortune here.

Of course we plan on going to work when we are done studying. But, like many others do, we sometimes dream of winning the lottery…

“What is this noise?!”, I startle and look up from darning the son’s trousers.

“Well, it’s the fridge, my dear.”, the husband answers amused.

“Sounds like it’s sick.”, I state.

“Sounds like it’s dying.”, he continues.

We listen for a while.

“It stopped coughing.”, I note.

We wait.

Then we can hear the fridge starting its normal clattering.

We both sigh with relief.

“You know, it’s not the first time the fridge is making these kind of noises.”, the husband enlightens me. “I listen to it every night!”

There’s no door between our kitchen and the living room where he sleeps on the couch due to his snoring.

“If we’d win the lottery, we could buy a new fridge…”

“First we would need to play the lottery to win the lottery.”, the husband analyzes skillfully.

And that’s when we started playing… Maybe not our wisest decision. But it is true: you cannot win if you don’t play. Once we actually won 50 €. We bought a new coat stand, because the old wooden one collapsed on a regular basis. Sometimes in the middle of the night, which has caused a few heart attack moments. It didn’t go to waste though, we burned it in our wood stove.

Sometimes I wonder if I actually really want to win. I think hitting the jackpot would scare me. I would become one of those really paranoid people who suspect that everyone wants to do them harm…

Furthermore, I am not a material person. Of course I cannot absolve myself of the influence of the capitalistic lifestyle of my society.. the fewest can. And apart from some indigenous people who have the bliss of not getting consumed by consumption, because they are living completely without money and all the viciousness connected to it, those societies who do not embrace capitalism… well, they do not seem too comfortable either… But what do I know?!

Anyhow, my point was, if I had a lot of money, I would not even know what to do with it. I don’t care for brands (except maybe when it actually comes down to functionality, especially with technics). I don’t need “stuff” to show off or to represent myself. I just like “stuff” that makes me and my family happy. Little things, like good and healthy groceries to make delicious and healthy food. Clothes to dress in. Having a roof over our head. The capacity to support ourselves. The luxury of the internet to communicate with my family. I think having money, but not millions, would just give me a sense of trouble-free lightheartedness.

And even though I am not wealthy, my life has worked out very well for me. I have fulfilled many of my dreams already. And I don’t have a problem saving up for a longer time for something I really desire.

I would like to rebuilt my greenhouse. It is made from plastic sheets, but if I had money, I think I would like to go for a glass version.

The big wooden piano that I learned to play piano on stayed in Germany with my parents. If I had money, I’d like to treat myself to a nice e-piano that I could plug into my computer.

Also, I’d like to buy a sewing machine. And a leaf blower for the husband (he hates doing that job by hand).

If we had money, we could pay off our loan. Maybe have a few more additions to our family. Or I could give my parents a carefree retirement. That would be really nice…

But most of these things don’t require a jackpot. And anyway, I already hit my personal jackpot: I have my marvelous son sleeping next to me, the beloved husband and the cuddly dog snoring downstairs. I talked to my mum on the phone today and we visited my in-laws for a cup of coffee. My parents and the rest of my family know I love them. And I know they love me… well, that’s my corny jackpot, and I wouldn’t trade it for any money in the world.


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