I have these days. These days, when you wonder what will become of you. Occupied with my studies, I know that I can focus my mind on the very moment. But when I’m done studying for the day, worries creep up on me. Thoughts – they do what we don’t ask for! I know that this is who I am: thinking about the third step before taking the first. A worrier, not only for myself, but for others as well. What is this world coming to? I just like to have a plan. I like to know all the questions, so I can find all the answers. There is basically nothing wrong with wanting to have a plan. It’s just important to also remember having fun, once in a while – or even better: having fun often. You need not answer all the questions! You can just laugh and laugh again. Not like a maniac, but like someone who enjoys life. Life can only be planned to a certain amount. The rest is spontaneous and improvised. But that is nothing new. You cannot know everything. And I don’t want to pretend like I have it all figured out. I mean, I all along was aware of it. I knew it! That I don’t know! “Mother, I am dumb.” were Nietzsche’s last words. If Nietzsche considered himself dumb, what would I have been in his eyes? I am confused at times. Should I sound? Should I echo? There’s no one-fits-all solution. We have to find our own ways, fight our own battles. It’s just nice if we do not have to do this alone…
“What are you thinking, honey?”, the husband interrupts my train of thoughts and pours me some more coffee.
“Err…”, I answer cleverly. “Err… you want to have meat loaf for dinner?”
“Sure, why not.”, he says, but isn’t really buying it. He looks at me investigating.
At times, we pretend to think one thing and actually think everything else!
“Just philosophizing a little.”, I confess. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”, he says, satisfied with the truth.
It’s just nice I don’t have to do this alone.